Monday, June 6, 2011

My Biopsy

I am sorry for not posting a blog on Friday. After discovering a physical issue last week, I had an MRI and a sonogram first thing on Friday morning. After the test results revealed that I would need a biopsy on Tuesday, last Friday was spent processing with my family and friends.

The Doctor said that I was "blessed to have found this so early" which reinforced the voice of the Lord that came with urgency a few days before. I am aware of the potential. In my mind, I have gone all the way down the road of suffering and found, that I will never be forsaken or forgotten by God. He will be with me, every step in this process. In fact, whatever the outcome, I am at peace that I HEAR Him and I know Him. He is for me. But it is important to know that my spiritual assignment is His focus, not my physical comfort or security.

My most recent book, about transformation, and even my most recent messages, have all held the keys to winning this battle for me. I am walking out, in the most extreme fashion, what it feels to lay my life down completely, without reservation. In the past, although I have been in the ministry, I have reserved part of myself, not quite giving everything. I wouldn't have compared myself to Jonah in the past, until the last few days.

Through this storm, I have come to see very clearly, the exact location of my silent and stubborn rebellion. I didn't overtly take a boat in the opposite direction of my calling, but I did withhold a portion of my potential and passion.

There is a part of myself that has always longed for a simple, little life. Not a life with stages, lights and audiences. Until last week, I have always seen the "big" life I lead, as God's idea to which I reluctantly tagged along. Meanwhile, my flesh neatly tucked away MY ideas for a seamless escape to the ordinary, one I would make when the right moment arose. Even though I wasn't physically on a boat going in the opposite direction, some part of me was moving in opposition to the rest of me. To picture myself in this way really grieves me. But it is true.

At every turn, as God has been elevating me, I have been looking for a way of escape, as if I was taken against my will. When doors of ministry would open, I would suggest others instead, so that I could move into the shadows, away from the spotlight. This method of operation was neatly wrapped in "humility," until Friday. My motives for escape were even hidden from myself. I saw my promotion of others as completely unselfish when in truth although they were mostly for the benefit of others, there was a parasite of personal gain hiding there. My ambition, my gain, didn't look like everyone else's. So it was more easily concealed. I didn't want more, I wanted less. Less spotlight equaled less pressure, less expectation, less rejection.

The reality of what I am facing on Tuesday, opened me up and laid bare every motive. My prayer was that every hidden thing would be revealed. I just wasn't expecting that my motives would be revealed so clearly by an MRI.

I have believed that this test for me was about uprooting something small, before it can grow to destroy me. This may be true physically, when we hear the pathology report. But the real power to destroy me comes from the cancer of flesh, multiplying over time, replacing and overcoming my spiritual assignment. My desires replacing God's will for my life is the only thing that can circumvent the destiny He's designed for me. Even wanting less than I have been assigned, is the rejection of my spiritual position.

As far as I am concerned, the real danger to my destiny has already been surgically removed by the Spirit. The weapon formed against me has been revealed and dismantled. As long as I am wholeheartedly aboard God's vessel there is truly nothing the enemy can do to divert me from my course.

Like Jonah, I have been guilty of sabotaging my own effectiveness in the ministry for which I am anointed and called.

I live transparently. I cannot live any other way. And I understand that in sharing this with you, I may be opened up to criticism and diagnosis. Perhaps that is why it is so important for me to share. I am demonstrating my commitment to be who God has called me to be in the largest sense, not the smallest. I could aim small by not including you in this battle but I have been aiming small for far too long.

I am aware that not everyone who reads this will pray for me, some will celebrate my current situation. I don't care. The few negative folks have had too loud and opinion in my life. Consider your signal scrambled. Jonah was moved in a contrary motion to the will of God, all due to his fear of rejection by man. I haven't seen it till recently, but I have been moved by the rejection of others. No more!!

It's my time of re-enlistment. I know what I am signing up for. Counting the cost and reading the fine print are no longer viable terms and conditions. I am ready and willing to completely and instantly, obey. No holding back.

I feel like I have already had a biopsy. A spiritual one. God inserted this situation into my life, pulled out something hidden and under the microscope of His perspective, showed me what was growing there. I am so grateful for His hand in my life. At times the probing is painful. But He is our light and our salvation. He is revealing what is hidden, not to destroy us but to display His glory in our lives.

The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 21:1


  1. Wow, this is so good. Thank you for being so honest-- it's refreshing. Praying for you!!!!!

  2. Pastor Amie, EVERYTIME I think I can't POSSIBLY be more proud of you there you go again! I was watched you from your high school years till now, and I am in total AWE of the woman you have allowed God to create.
    I know that when you say you don't care about the negative you mean just that. Hey, if you being transparent about your flesh has led to promotion after promotion, what does it say about them?! No one is happy about having to look inward. Your life is in and of itself provocative to say the least.
    I touch and agree with those who believe that EVERYTHING will turn out in your favor!
    I love you more than you will ever know! Now go conquer that mountain and then come and tell the rest of us how to do it! TRAILBLAZER is not an easy title but you wear it well!

  3. Pastor Amie, my husband and I just prayed for you today. I will continue to pray earnestly for you and your family. I know God is watching you. When you woke up this morning and when you lie down. He will not sleep, not even to doze, He who watches Israel is watching you. He wont let this cause you to break your stride even the least bit.
    Though I have met you personally, my life has been deeply impacted by you. And then today when I read your blog…I was…exposed is the best word. Even in this most personal and intense time God has used you. I have been selfish and self absorbed…wanting the small life. I learned a very important lesson: just as you stepping into your destiny whole-heartedly is pushing me into my destiny, so me, following your example, will push other people into theirs. I dont know how to express what this message means to me except to say You said it so perfectly. I get it. I am still selfish enough to think this blog was written just for me! I love you Pastor Amie and I hope we meet someday so I can tell you in person how much you have affected my life. You are an amazing Women of God! God be with you and watch over you. His face shines upon you and gives you peace. I pray that the comfort and love you have given to others comes back to you today 100 fold!

  4. Amie, your look inward to what God is doing through this test demonstrates walking humbly with the Lord. We so need this example in our world where walking in pride is so common for those who are in positions of prominence. May you be encouraged by Him alone and given strength to walk victoriously and humbly through this trial.

  5. is so wild...YESTERDAY another re-run of you on Marriage Today on Daystar popped up...I saw your lovely face...and heard your lovely voice...purely created by God's handiwork. Much love to you!!!!!

  6. Pastor Amie ----- what a beautiful piece!! Just when I think you have given us your best, you offer up something even more inspirational. Through my 17 years at Covenant, I have watched you grow into a beautiful woman -- both physically, but more importantly, spiritually. I love you so much for being so transparent, for being accessible, for being accepting. You are definitely a tribute to your parents and I know they are proud of you. As we all are.

    Your acceptance of the place the Lord has you in now gives me the courage to do the same. I pray for you daily.

  7. I am so proud to call you Pastor! You truly are an inspiration! I just finished the When women Reign book on Saturday only to hear the report on Sunday...I may not know the details, but I know a God that does and he does NOT sleep nor slumber...I am praying earnestly for you. You are one of the very few godly women that has changed my life from afar..God bless you...
    When you get discouraged, I encourage myself in the WORD as I bet you do and use these 2 songs..Let Go, Let God by Dewayne Woods and He has hands on Me by Marvin Sapp to encourage myself..
    Be blessed, we are praying for you and this is just a ROAR of the enemy NOT a bite.
    Hang in there Pastor Amie! Love ya! xoxoxo

  8. I am standing, trusting, and believing with you. The words you wrote (spoke) also speaks the sentiments of my heart. The battle we both fight are not ours, but the Lords. You are called, chosen, and HIGHLY favored of the Lord. No weapons formed has or shall prosper. Blessings to you and your family and know that we love you.

    Terry Ephraim

  9. I couldn't hold back the tears the whole time as I related to almost EVERY word you wrote. It inspired me & gives me courage to walk in a new boldness for God. Thank you :-) ♥

  10. Good girl. We have been lifting you in "often prayer" everyday (ungrammatical, I know!). Thank you Lord for holding Amie up. God has provided ALOT for us spiritually, emotionally and physically to have victory even in situations like this (prayer, faith, people, information, etc). Be encouraged, Mrs. Ambassador. Beckie E.

  11. Simply beautiful and amazing. That is what you are! This is just the beginning for you. You are such an inspiration to myself and so many others. Continue to allow God to completely over-take you because His children need you, we need you! One of the sweetest and most pure spirits I have ever known...standing with you in you always!...

  12. Self-imposed limitations have been removed!!! You, who walk as neither male nor female, are called by God, not man, to great and mighty things through Him. You are ready to soar; I am thrilled to be in the wake! I love you, my sister.