Lost Passport to La La Land

I feel completely incompetent to talk about how we let other people affect our happiness. Because that is my biggest issue.

From one day to the next, there is always something intrusive scratching away at my happy bubble. It doesn't take much to pop a bubble. Bubbles are fragile. My happiness should not be so easily lost. Sadly, it can be.

So yesterday, as I was discussing some surprising news with a few of my friends, it was obvious that my bubble, was again, bursting with disappointment. One of my friends said, "Go to your La La Land and forget about it." I said in reply, "I don't have a La La Land."

Till that discussion, I thought that La La Land was a place where clueless, hopeless, people migrate for solace. Since I am neither, I had never gotten my citizenship, or had I? Last night, I began to contemplate La La and memories of my childhood bubbled up. A familiarity with imaginary places began to take shape as if it was only yesterday that I hung from the limbs of a berry tree.

I was an extremely imaginative child. From the moment my mother said I could go out to play until darkness would fall, I lived in La La Land. In fact, I created some spectacular experiences moving through air, land and sea (trees, yard and pool). The make believe stories, islands, castles and such would sometimes become a saga that all my cousins would play a part in over weeks and months, after school and sleepovers. As I took a tour through my mind, I found these make believe moments intact and exactly as I'd left them. With striking contrast and clarity I realized that not only had I been to La La Land, it was a big part of my becoming. The work of my imagination has had a more profound and lasting impact upon my current abilities than perhaps anything else in my history.

I don't remember what a particular day at school in third grade entailed, but I do remember La La Land waiting for me on the playground during recess. As I write, I can still feel the depth of desire that pulled me toward that spectacular place of whimsy. What used to be a pull is now feeling more like a strong push.

My very mature and adult-like friend told me that I need to go to La La Land.Somewhere along the way, while growing up, I lost my passport. What once was a beautiful longing that my mother gave me permission to pursue by saying, "Amie, you can go play," became, in my mind, a retreat for losers or lunatics. When did I start thinking that those who live in La La land cannot live in the real world? And why did I think I was too grown up to need to play?

Can I even say, "I need a safe place to dream and create," without sounding like I need a straight jacket and a paper cup full of pills?

When we grow up, we wrongly take on too much responsibility for everything and everyone around us. (me, me, me....talking to ME!) Sometimes it sounds so childlike and basically insane to live in a state of complete faith and dependance upon God. As a child, La La Land provided me a mental space for growth and unlimited potential. It can be the same Today. Even when my situations seem to be closing in on me, I must remember that God lives in a place without limits. He has always been faithful to meet me where I am.

But perhaps it would be beneficial for me to start meeting God on the outskirts of my reality, La La Land.

If I were to create a travel brochure for La La Land, this is what it would say:

A place where limits are not the focus. A realm greater than our abilities or associations. A place that removes our personal preferences or opinions. A space outside the realm of expectation and responsibility. A creative place to unlock potential and possibilities. A haven without conflict, strife or enemies. A secret spiritual place where you are embraced and refined at the same time.

Isaiah 45:3- I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, That you may know that I, the LORD, Who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel.

Psalm 31:20- You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence. From the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.

That Thing YOU DO!

The past few weeks have been extra busy for me. Several weeks ago I had book writing and editing going. Then final touches and approvals on design. Printing, signing and all on top of an already full schedule of meetings and church services. Releasing a new book is like having another child. There is much preparation and anticipation mixed with the internal private work of writing. And then after the release, the public work begins.

So after the push to complete a creative project, I should be relieved, right?

I am happy to have successfully completed a project but unfortunately finishing is not my favorite part. In fact, I drag the creative process out as long as possible. And when it's over, I am in search of something else to create. It might be as simple as an afternoon of photography or painting, writing a blog entry or cooking dinner. Or it may be as extravagant as creating a new endeavor or ministry department (or, my husband forbid, start a new book :-/ .) I know, too many "or's". But I like choices, that is a big part of the pull of creativity for me, the possibilities.

It is more clear to me now than ever before, that God gifts each of us with a deep desire, a compulsion, to DO something. For me, this something, is to CREATE.

I HAVE TO CREATE!!

I don't know why it has taken me 37 years to see this so clearly. Now that I see what it is that I 'have' to do, it is much easier to see this in the lives of those I know really well. My dad has to restore old things. My mother has to celebrate everything! Recognizing that I have to create, shifts things significantly in my life. I want to do more of what I know God has gifted me to do.

But let me frame this for you.

If I were to set up a craft table in the middle of my house, quit my job and declare that I am doing so, just because, "I HAVE TO CREATE!"...I would be using my passion and gifting to create all right...but I would be creating a huge imbalance.

How do I continually create and maintain balance?

First, I have to identify various forms of creativity so that I can identify where my gift and passion are most applicable to each situation. The thing I like to do the least, is to work through conflicts. I don't like conflict. If it were my own conflict with someone I would have to confront it in order to get any sleep at all. But usually the conflicts I am called in on are not my own. All of my occupations (mother, wife, leader, employer and pastor) require that I often use my conflict resolution skills to elevate various situations. So in order to tackle all my responsibilities, I have had to reframe my perspective about creativity. I don't want to run from something just because it appears at first glance not to offer any creative outlet. I found that looking at my most unlikable duty (conflict resolution) through a creative lens, allows me to see it as "creating an opportunity for growth" not just solving a problem. In this way, I can use my gift and passion to bring balance. I am still creating. And most importantly, I am using my creativity for God's purpose in my life.

Psalm 20:4 - May he grant you according to all your hearts desire and fulfill all your purpose.

Our passions and gifts were given to us, by God, to heal and restore our surroundings. Using my desire to create, in the context of this original intent, is the ultimate defining of "reigning in life."

I mentioned my father's passion for restoring things. This gift is used in bringing wholeness to broken lives as well as restoring older cars or dilapidated buildings. My mother is known for her heart for giving. Her gift and passion for celebration incorporates celebrating the individual for their uniqueness as well as over-the-top occasions. She looks for an opportunity to celebrate in everything. This is worship. Whenever any one of us uses our God-given gift, we are worshiping the giver. When I create, my dad restores and my mother celebrates, each of us are elevating something natural to the supernatural.

I encourage you to identify what it is you HAVE TO DO. And then, don't run away from your life to do that thing. Run into your life and fulfill it, by doing that thing you do!

What is it you HAVE TO DO?

My Old-Timey Bicycle

Yesterday, my husband and I took our kids for an early evening bike ride. We do this often, so we routinely take the same route. Out of our driveway, we go to the right and straight-away up hill. Once we are all at the top, we turn right again, navigating a winding path across the top, until we hit a descending trail that runs perpendicular to the back of our house. This route is all work at the start. Straight up hill without a warm-up. Yesterday I was struggling toward the top. Me and my bicycle were moving just fast enough to stay upright. As one of my son's pass me, he says, "Mom, I think your problem is that old-timey bicycle!"

I replied, "I think my problem is my old-timey body."

I've been up and down a few hills in my life. And one thing has become increasingly clear to me. I work like crazy to get myself to the top and then when I began to coast downhill, I tap my brakes to slow myself down. Because we have gone on this particular bike trail many times, I have realized that if I don't allow myself to gain momentum on the way down, I cannot make it up the next hill without completely exhausting myself.

In life I do the same. I have no problem with scaling a challenging situation or facing adversity that triggers every possible fatigue. However, when I have overcome and by the grace of God, begin to experience momentum, I start tapping the brakes.

The question rang out in my mind yesterday, "Why did you work so hard to conquer this if you are gonna stop the momentum on the other side?"

Logistically my answer was, "I don't want to fall! Wipeout is bad!! Especially for my old-timey body..."

Whether we are talking about a bike ride or a life style, we have to identify why we hit the brakes when things start getting better. Ideas arise, that maybe we don't deserve to move so quickly, or if we have struggled so long, things shouldn't be this easy. It all comes down to fear. I don't want to lose control and fall off my bike nor do I want to move through life so quickly that I wipeout without warning. I want to be cautious with my calling but also fearless in my faith!

How do I do both?

Mark 13:37 says,

"And what I say to you, I say to everybody: Watch (give strict attention, be cautious, active, and alert)!"

This Scripture reveals to me that we must not stop ourselves from moving forward but we need to watch where we are going. Just the term "watch" gives direction for us to remain focused without distraction, that is the kind of caution we should embrace. At the same time, be active and move forward without seizing up.

To be successful on our uphill journey we must be persistent, once we gain momentum our goal is to stay focused on our destination. Speed is not our enemy, distraction is. My old-timey bicycle with it's big ol' handlebars, goes where my eyes go. If I turn to look to the right or the left, my course swerves to match my focus.

"Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4:27

"He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD and followed the ways of this father, David, not turning aside to the right or the left." 2 Chronicles 34:2

Moving with the power of momentum can be a bit scary. When it seems like things are just moving too fast, we stiffen in fear. Just a few years ago when we launched the vision for When Women Worship, I found myself guilty of this very thing. I had worked really hard to bring the vision to fruition, God had aligned me with powerful and gifted individuals that had the ability to raise the game significantly. But I froze up. The speed scared me and I stopped making the right decisions to continue releasing the momentum. I was too afraid of making the wrong decisions, so I didn't make any. Hitting the brakes in this way taught me a valuable lesson. All the way up the hill I had known that God was in control but when things began to move quickly, I didn't fully trust He still was. What I have learned from this is that He sets me on a straight and narrow path. The only risk in experiencing momentum is if I lose my focus. When I hit the brakes after When Women Worship, it made getting up the next hill all the harder for me. I am challenged to let the Lord guide me up and (especially) down, every hill from now on.

I'm ready to catch some air...even if it's on my old-timey bicycle.

Adding a Sweet Little, "Honey?"...

This blog is probably not for you. I'm sure that you have not had the breakfast burning, phone ringing, dog barking, mud trailing kids, running through your house, all at the same time, moment, in your life. On top of that, just as the tea kettle whistles, someone utters an ever so innocent word, like, "Honey?" and it comes at you like a swift kick to the hive buzzing in your head.

"WHAT???"

A wounded look later and you realize that you have just stung someone. And it hurts you as much as it does them. So in the midst of the chaos and confusion, there is now something much more worthy of attention.

I know that this build up doesn't just happen to women. But we are the Queen Bee in many respects. The chaos and confusion of multiple demands can bring us to the point of biting off someone's head, when they are guilty of nothing more than adding a sweet little "Honey?" to our already piled high plate.

I wish that I had not ever been guilty of taking out my frustration on the wrong person but I have. My own responses have caused me so much more grief than the mud, missed phone calls or burnt bacon at breakfast.

In talking about this with a few of my ministry friends, a personal mother-daugther story was relayed to me. This Pastor's wife was rushing between meetings, carpool and evening church service and decided to quickly run through a drive through for dinner with her daughter. As they approached the line to order, she rolled down her window and began to yell the specific details. Not open to interruption, she ignored her daughter gently saying, "Mom, mom, mom, mom..."

After finishing her order and realizing her pointer finger in the air was not enough to stop her daughter, she finally, said, "WHAT?"

To this her daughter sheepishly replied, "Mom, you are talking to the trash can. The speaker is up there."

As we laughed about the role of women, Queen Bee's, keeping our lives a buzz, I began to contemplate my personal responsibility of producing a sweet response to the "Honey?s'" in the days to come. Not all situations are funny. Sometimes the Queen Bee can cause an unrest that creates a domino effect throughout her family. When I know that I am anointed to bring peace and direction to my household and yet have been guilty of contributing to the chaos, I want to figure out why so that I can eliminate it from happening again.

When I contemplate the source of sour responses, I am left with one single common thread. Each of the situations I have mentioned and the ones I only think of now, have all escalated based upon one thing "too many." When we are overwhelmed, our sense of intrusion becomes very high, thus making us defensive to anything incoming (even when it's help). Most of the time these imbalances come on quickly and pass without too much trouble. But what about when we live in a state of pressure due to overwhelming circumstances? One major emotional burden can take all we have and at times even the simplest act of kindness can be difficult to muster.

Men are much better than women at keeping things separate. When women are upset about one thing, everything else is hard to appreciate. Knowing this about myself, as a woman, makes it important for me to intentionally set boundaries for myself. In the case of weighing my response to overload, the boundary I need is really more like a buffer zone. This must be self-required and self-maintained. The buffer would simply be the requirement to pause, breathe and think, before I reply. It sounds so simple. But when it might mean losing a well thought-out sentence forming in my head, (as I write my blog), so that I can pause, breathe and answer my daughter's question about what color shoes she should wear....??? I am simply reestablishing my priorities. Yes, I am frequently overwhelmed. But I cannot let the demands of the moment dictate the direction I choose to take or the response I chose to make.

I've got to go...have a few busy bees to see about!

Sitting on Our Hands

It is true that we are required to sit and receive information that we would rather bypass. A friend of mine recently relayed a story to me from her son who is a U. S. Marine in Afghanistan. He told her that during training before his first tour in Iraq, he and his fellow soldiers were made to sit on their right hand while they ate each meal. He kept his thoughts to himself, but it was clear everyone thought this was cruel and unnecessary treatment. They just guessed it was something to put down their will and make them uncomfortable.

His mother told me that after the companies of soldiers were adept at feeding themselves left-handed, the explanation came. Their superior officer announced that they were being sent to Iraq. And in Iraq, the enemy would be waiting for them to put down their weapons to eat. Their right hand was their weapon hand and they would not be allowed to put down their weapon. If they hadn’t been subjected to the seemingly useless exercise of eating with one left hand, they would have had to choose between eating and protecting their lives. The best-case scenario would have been a soldier extremely distracted by trying to maneuver a meal and a weapon without practice. The Marines are not told in advance what the exercise is meant to accomplish in order to keep the focus on obedience.

The more we know, the more questions, comments and or suggestions we have. They would likely have left-handed soldiers filing exemptions and others claiming they could eat with their left hand if they had to. But a one time test would not provide the training a process provides. Training ensures the consistent and dependable traits necessary are present in the product. We can pass a test on a fluke and the test is the product. But when we pass through a training process, we are the product. We come out on the other side disciplined by unwavering obedience to God. Ironically my friend’s son, this soldier, is named Will. Will had to sit on his right hand. His strong arm had to sit one out for obedience and allow the untrained, weaker arm to become adept. We all want to use our strengths and depend upon the arm of the flesh to feed us. But leaning on our own strength even when we are instructed to simply obey is disobedience.

I have realized recently that I naturally go to my strengths and even my library of experiences when I need to solve a problem. And if I don’t find the quick answer there, then I go to God for instruction. I give God the glory for any wisdom or knowledge I may have, but that is not enough. God is not here for us just to get the glory, He is here to give us guidance. And I was convicted of the fact that I run to my own strength before calling on God for guidance. I always have included Him in the solution but in order for me to go to the next level I know that I must submit more of my own ability. It doesn’t make my gifts useless to do so, in fact, my strengths unfold more graciously and miraculously than ever before.

God is the source of all wisdom; but wisdom loses its effectiveness when we believe it releases us from simple obedience to Him.

The Lady in The Blue Car

Chick-fil-a always has a long drive-through line, around lunch time. They are so efficient in cutting the waiting time in half, by sending attendants out to take your order before you get to the speaker menu. Knowing that Chick-fil-a gets slammed around noon, I usually wait till the crowd subsides before driving over for my favorite salad. A few days ago, I went a bit too early and I hit the end of a very long line. This line wrapped around the building and I was at the end of it. As I sat in my car thinking about how discouraging it might be for the person who gets in line behind me, I decided to do something fun. Everyone hates to rush up to buy something only to see a long weary line ahead. So, I made up my mind to pay the bill for the person who would pull up behind me. I had been the 100th customer at Chick-fil-a twice before and knew that after all the waiting, having your meal paid for, felt like a special message from God saying, "I see you, I know where you are, I can bless you any time I want."

Still the caboose in a train of hungry cars, I made the turn around the front playground area. The line had really gone down, and no one else had come up to join me at the back. The line that was once wrapped wholly around the building was now only half what it was. I had been in line for about fifteen minutes, so I realized I wasn't going anywhere fast. Within a few quick seconds a blue car comes in the front entrance. And instead of going around the building to join the line (as everyone else had), this car wedged its way into the four foot space in front of my car. I was in a convertible, so I graciously twirled my hand in a gesture to say, "join the line around that way." I am sure this lady was expecting something ugly in terms of a response from me. So she turned her body with her back completely against her door which was perpendicular to me. I said nothing. Just smiled. (which confused her whispering passenger.) She knew what she was doing when she cut in line. What she didn't know is that she was cutting herself off from a blessing.

I knew that just moments before I had decided to buy lunch for the car who came behind me. Butting in line had cost her more than she would know. When she got her food, I realized how big a blessing. It looked as if she was buying lunch for a whole daycare. It took three employees to bring out all the food she ordered. She could have had it all, without the cost. If only she had found her place in line. If only she had been willing to wait. In looking at the condition of her vehicle it was clear that she could have used a little blessing. I ended up buying a cool wrap and an arnold palmer for the man behind me. The only person who forfeited their blessing was the one who really needed it. All because she wasn't willing to wait behind one more car.

It made me think. How many times have I tried to jump the line and skip the waiting process?

I don't know about you but the waiting game wears me out.

Reasons we might cut in line and miss God's blessing...

I don't deserve to wait any longer...

Other people can get over it.

We are all responsible for ourselves, and I'm gonna get mine.

This is the way of the world.

All the reasons I can think of are ideals of self-servitude. Self-servitude is the humanistic line of thinking where we feel we must strong arm our blessing. We become the judge and jury, securing our own way. This is a game we play where we decide what rewards and recompense are deserved based upon our selfish premise.

A string of circumstances in the span of one morning gone wrong, can cause us all to fall into an attitude of self-servitude.The lady in the blue car probably endured many discouragements and God meant for her to get an encouraging message from Him. And she missed the message that could have fed her much more deeply than a value sized #1 with sweet tea.

I want to wait for God's best for me! How about you?!