Colouring in Sydney!

Well we have been busy girls, here in Australia!

This morning we woke and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast together at the hotel. Then we were wisked off to the Sydney Entertainment Center for the first gathering of the morning. We arrived a bit late and lost our seats, so we were way up top.

The view was rather magnificent but I'm a front row kinda girl. But in spite of our backseat status, Ms. Beth Moore drew us in with her humor and expository word. It was the first time for her to minister here at Colour and she fit right in. The worship and word are both at the level we are accustomed to but what really sets this conference apart is the media input and the fun, fancy touches of whimsy that float from the brilliant mind of Bobbi Houston. Today there was a spectacular element with Beatles music and girls on bicycles pulling loads of balloons behind them. It was just beautiful and fun, fun, fun!!!

We were given a short break after Beth's session and then the afternoon gathering gave us an update on their endeavors addressing womanity around the world.

We were polished up and ready to be picked up for the evening service at 6:30. One of the young men from Hillsong Church drove us through the bustling city to a close drop off at the convention center. We rushed in to great seats and let out a big sigh. Worship was wonderful then Bobbi introduced my sweet friend, Priscilla. Her word was right on and well received. She sure looked beautimous on that big stage!! Loved her message! Just love her...

Priscilla and Beth will both be speaking again tomorrow so I'm jazzed about that. I am falling into bed right now after a beautiful, full day! This is a once in a lifetime trip and we are soaking it all in! Maybe we can bring a group of ladies in the future....:))

The Journey Begins!

Well after two flights equaling 16 hours, we are finally in Sydney. We left Dallas at 10pm on Monday night and arrived at 9:15 Wednesday Morning, skipping over one full day on the calendar!

I'm not worried, we get that day back next Tuesday, when we fly backward in time.

Our trip has already been wonderfully exhilarating. I plan to climb the

Sydney Harbor bridge (picture #1) tomorrow morning, so I'm gonna be brief for now. I am READY for some serious shut eye. I am super motivated to climb that bridge. Probably for the reason of a million calories in the picture to the right. Hey, we were drinking cappuccino and eating sugar to stay awake! At least that's what we keep telling ourselves.

I will post a video tomorrow. I just wanted to let you all know that we arrived safely. The Hillsong Women's Conference begins tomorrow evening, so there is much anticipation! I cannot wait to share it with you.

Love to you all!

Go Throw Yourself Into The Sea

Trust is a subject from which I will never graduate or accumulate all knowledge. Understanding that is the essence of trust. Most subjects are taught and learned before mastery begins but TRUST, is mastered before the explanations are given. We don't learn 'trust' by hearing alone, we learn it through practice.

I thought I had a handle on trusting God, that was, until June 2nd, 2011.

I had trust in the fact that God had led me to discover the mass. And I had trust that His providence made provision for me to walk through a few weeks of instability. I remember the morning I went in for the follow-up sonogram. The Dr. spent a long time rolling the gel covered device over my chest, taking pictures from various angles. I ask her if this was routine, given I'd never had a mammogram before, I didn't know. She said, "No this is not routine. I am very concerned about this." She informed me I would need a biopsy and then left the room.

After she left, I sat up on the bed and thanked the Lord for leading me to this place. All I could say was, "Thank You Jesus. Thank You. Thank You." At the time I thought this was an odd response. But it was unbidden. In my heart, I knew that I had heard a warning and I was grateful for His word and for my own obedience.

A few days later, following the biopsy, I asked the Dr. what she thought I was dealing with. She said, "I think you have a small breast cancer, you'll have a lumpectomy and radiation and it will all be over. Thank God you caught it early."

My heart told me that her preliminary diagnosis was correct. And I hoped that my path would be as simple as she suggested. Although I was shaken, my trust in God was complete through the span of MRI's, total body Pet Scans and even the double mastectomy on June 22. Although the process was much more costly to me physically than the first Dr. suggested, I still had a complete and resonating faith that God had my best in mind.

My biggest battle came when Chemotherapy was suggested. Until then I saw all of this as just a small bump in the road, a minor detour in life, a molehill. But when the "C" word (Chemotherapy) was mentioned the pruning cut deep into my tree of TRUST. For the first time since this ordeal had begun, I started to question God's purpose for my life and that was a Mountain.

"What if I trust God and His outcome for this situation is not what I want?"

"What if His purpose for me here is nearly complete?"

Essentially I realized that I may be trusting Him to get me to my destination (86 years old) and He could have a different destination in mind. This was definitely a mountain I couldn't get around.

After Chemotherapy I experienced the most hellish days of my life. The first few days were fine, then on day three, I felt as if my bed was propping open the gates of Hell. More torment than I can define or describe came upon me. I rocked back and forth in the bed and moaned and wept for the deep sadness and hopelessness that covered me. My mother cried with me but for her own nightmare. She described looking into my eyes in those days and seeing me go away. Like an astronaut, I was sinking into the space around the backside of the moon, where for several black moments I was completely out of range of communication. I have never felt so separated from the peace of God. I now know the nuances that shade the depths of the "shadow of death." There are dimensions of feeling and emotion that I will never forget. By days I was drawn into the the valley and by days I came out.

One week and one day after Chemotherapy I emerged with victory. It was a Saturday and I spent most of it in bed crying. My parents came over and spent a few hours with me, laying on the bed, encouraging me. My dad finally got me to agree to go to dinner with the family. After dinner I came home and got in the bathtub. I knew my family didn't need to hear me crying again, so I hid my sobs under the sounds of the faucet on full blast. As I sat there weeping I had a conversation with God.

Many times through my trial I heard individuals quote the scripture, "It rains on the just and the unjust." This statement was my gripe with God. My argument was that as I understood it, this scripture basically meant, "the same consequences come to the righteous as the unrighteous." And I just could not square that with my knowledge of God. So I said, in a rather pitifully demanding tone, "God, you are gonna have to explain this to me. If the same bad things happen to your children as they do to those with no covenant, what hope do we have of ruling and reigning in your name?"

As I sat in the depth of my valley, staring up at Mt. Cancer, He simply said, "The JUST are joint-heirs. With my authority, you can say to the mountain, "MOVE!" and it will be cast into the sea. Yes, it does rain on the just as well as the unjust but the JUST live by faith. In My name you can speak to the storm. The rain may fall, Amie. But you will not."

In that moment, I was the prodigal child. Not in that I had foolishly left the comfort of home but in regard to the realization of how out of place I'd been. I was a favored child found wrestling with miry thoughts. With the instant clarity of remembering my way home, I began to speak to the mountains my friends were facing. I'd like to say that I'm just unselfish in starting with them and not with myself but honestly I was just more fearless on their behalf. One by one as I spoke my authority increased until finally I felt strong enough to look at my mountain: Mt. Cancer.

"Mountain's stand in the way, obscure perspective and block vision. I speak to the Mountain of Cancer, "'Move.'" You will not be the first thing I see when I open my eyes. Cancer will not obscure my perspective nor will it block my vision of the future."

It was so simple. And yet I knew the Mountain was gone. The real enemy had been fear. Not cancer. And I felt no fear. I had come through the valley of the shadow of death and I could finally say, "I fear no evil."

The shadow was gone with the mountain.

When I was done speaking to all the mountains, the wind of my breath had cut a path through the mounds of bubbles in front of me. I stopped crying and started laughing. The mourning ended right then.

The part of this battle that I truly believe can change your life is the dissection of trust and confusion. I had been hearing "it rains on the just and the unjust" and I had been interpreting, "the consequences are the same for the righteous and the unrighteous." My misinterpretation was primarily due to the way in which this scripture is quoted. This scripture IS saying that the battle for the just and the unjust are the same but it is NOT saying that the outcome is the same.

It rains on the just and the unjust. We cannot control what comes to us but as joint-heirs with Christ, we do have input in the victory. It rains on the just and the just, reign.

Take a look at what is blocking your path, obscuring your view. It might be time to name that mountain so you can tell it where to go.

Mark 11:23

"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them."

NIV

Darkness Begins The Day

As I prepare breakfast in the darkness, I contemplate the cozy, deep sleep that avoids me like the white bit of egg shell being chased by my spoon. I have many things to contemplate about the rhythm of my life during this season and the profound effect the changes have made on every part of my being.

When the darkness of my diagnosis first shadowed my life I was bombarded with possibilities, then surgery and at the darkest point, chemotherapy. When I didn't think the night could go on, my hair decided it had had enough of my company. There has been plenty to contemplate during this season. Some thoughts were not welcome but came anyway. How do you refuse to think about hair when its hitting the floor like petals from a flower past it's prime?

Not only must the loss be contemplated, it demands a resolution. Nothing brings resolution to loss like the beginning of a bright, new day. But I have learned that new days don't begin bright.

Darkness begins the day.

My life over the past few months has been what most would call a season of darkness. Figuratively darkness can denote a cluelessness, loss of sight or direction. And a few times through this season I have felt like a child awoken away from home. With exhausted tears I would ask, "Where am I? How did I get here?"

Sleeping through the night makes it go by quickly. But when you toss and turn, awaking many times throughout the night, you wonder if night will ever end. As I watched the clock creep by, the next day introduced itself, black hour then blue. Finally deciding that rest would not return, I rose to meet the day. As I quietly made my way around the kitchen, I thought about the fact that it was dark when I went to bed and dark when I got up. But just because it was still dark didn't mean a new day hadn't begun.

You might still be in the dark but that doesn't mean you are stuck in the pattern of yesterday.

When we are enveloped by darkness that seems to go on forever, we will undoubtably find ourselves eager to see the daylight. It will come. There is no doubt. Whatever the darkness may be, it cannot last forever. Great things begin with darkness. Even God put the night first in the cycle of days.

Genesis 1:5 "God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning--the first day."

So according to God, the moment darkness fell in your life, it was the beginning of something new. During the darkness, a shift has taken place. What was moving away from you yesterday has already begun it's return to you. The season has changed even if you cannot see it yet. It's all coming back to you. Bigger, brighter and better than ever! A new day has come!!

Genesis 8:22 “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”

Update -August 5th, 2011

I greet you with warm wishes for a summer filled with beautiful experiences.

I know that I will see some of you in the next week or two but I wanted to send this news at the same time to everyone who has been invested in my health through prayer and intercession.

I have been in Flagstaff since July 12 but returning to Tulsa once a week for surgical check-ups and future treatment appointments. In a few of these appointments with the Oncologist, some real reasons to celebrate came forth. First of all, the two lymph nodes they removed were completely clear of cancer cells (dead or alive). The second primary miracle is that the blood vessels in the breast were all examined under a microscope to see if the cancer had invaded my blood stream. Negative, all blood vessels were normal and had not been breached. Third miracle is that they were able to remove the tumor AND get clear margins all the way around. These margins were not just a few cells, the clear margins on every side measured in the centimeters.

Although we always celebrate the victories, I'd like to show you why clear lymph nodes, clear blood vessels and clear margins are an even bigger sign of God's had at work. Originally the mass was considered 1.5 cm, then after the MRI we were told that there were two additional small spots that had not been biopsied but looked cancerous. That made this mass measure around 2.5 cm. We were told that the three spots were not connected, although close, so it was now considered multi-focal, making a lumpectomy out of the question. If they go in and remove each location getting clear margins, you are left with a swiss cheese looking breast.

So, that information, combined with rarity of my age and awaiting the results of the BRACA1-2 gene mutation test, made removing both breasts the only option. If I were to have only removed the right side and the gene mutation came back positive, I would have to go back into surgery to remove the left. The other concern was the constant MRI's and biopsies I'd have to do on the left for the rest of my life.

Although I still do not have the results of the gene mutation test, I am praying that it comes back negative. If it is positive, I must immediately have a hysterectomy due to the risk of developing ovarian cancer, which is another strong risk with this gene. No one in my family history has had breast cancer, so it would be really surprising to be found positive for the gene. If I am, then all of my children (including boys) must be tested. I'm believing that door will not be open. I don't have the grace to handle it yet but I am sure that if it were to be present, I WILL be attended by the ALL consuming GRACE that has risen up to meet me at every turn so far.

Back to the tumor pathology and the main reason for this email:

Going into the surgery, we were all picturing the 2.5 cm cancer as the size of a dime (which is very close). But after all the internal breast tissue was excised and examined under a microscope, the final measurements were 6.5 centimeters, which is the size of a tennis ball. It is quite shocking to hold a dime up as a picture of what was in your body and then hold up a tennis ball and hear the words, "This is what you were up against."

At first I was physically ill at the news of the difference and yet exuberant at the pathology stating it wasn't found anywhere else. My mind felt like a stone that had lost its foothold on a high place and skipped and rolled down through these questions: How could it have been that big and the MRI didn't see all of it? How could it be considered early and still that big?

My mind and my stomach dropped until my mind found a solid resting place upon the answer to this question: How could the tumor have been that big and yet not one blood vessel, not one lymph node, not one skin cell have been touched????

JESUS is the answer.

God must receive the glory for His touch on my body. His care for me is evident without a doubt. Just as this could have spread physically and made the battle against fear much more violent, so does the tumors encapsulation by the Hand of God, build my faith. The very definition of the cancer they removed from my body included the word, "invasive"- meaning it had gained the ability to invade other kinds of cells. So I speak back to that invasive usurper and say, "You telling me you had the ability to invade blood vessels and lymph nodes but you didn't have the POWER??

Wow! How impotent he is, conniving the access and ability but STILL he has NO POWER!! When the enemy would love to attach a curse to the words spoken over our lives, like "cancer", we may temporarily feel surrounded on all sides by him. But I can tell you for sure, when you hear the sound of your enemy's trumpet blow, "CANCERRRRRR!!!!!!" and feel surrounded on all sides, it is only a matter of moments before your enemy is surrounded by an ALL-TOGETHER, GREATER ARMY- THE POWER OF GOD. The enemy blew his trumpet and I felt the echo of fear. I have seen his sneaky ways of gaining entrance into our lives and I am slamming every door, emotional, spiritual, physical. But the great revelation that has come to me through my frontline perspective of this battle, is this: the enemy can gain access to us and even adapt abilities against us, but he cannot gain authority and power! All authority in heaven and earth have already been given to Jesus. And we, who are joint heirs with HIm have this same blood bought authority over everything in heaven and earth. The enemy is unlawful in his ways and he will seek to usurp any authority we have abdicated due to ignorance or neglect. The cells in my body that gained the ability to invade never got the power to use their ability against me. Thank you Jesus for protecting my innocence and defending my ignorance!!!!

Although this battle involves the word "Cancer" and "invasive," I know that this battle is not about me losing a battle with my life. God has taken me to the front lines to learn all the more of how the enemy belies the people of God. The mass removed from my body was contained, so I believe that this season of my life devoted to fighting this particular enemy will be contained. I will never go back to eating unhealthy cancer foods again but I do believe that as I enter the next year, cancer will never have the access or ability to invade my life again.

There are two things I have always said would be my worst nightmare: 1. Getting pregnant before my wedding (already happened and catapulted me into a pattern of supernatural living.) 2. Chemotherapy. I don't know why we say certain things would be our worst nightmare, but I have. And I faced the first one and came out the other side better than before.

My personal failure and how I became taught of the Lord as a response, is the single most defining season of my life thus far.

2. Chemotherapy has always had a terribly negative effect on my mind. I used to say, I'd rather die. I've since asked the Lord to forgive me for saying that. As you probably know, I have been very resistant to the idea of putting a poison into my body. In fact, I committed to change every part of my life and have started with health. I drink a homemade smoothie every morning that contains every cancer fighting whole food ingredient I could find in research. Ironically its wonderful!! Green as the hills in Flagstaff, but tastes great!! When I went for my check up with my Naturopathic Dr. last week and he studied my drink ingredients, he was amazed. He said I had all (except one) of the most aggressive cancer fighting agents God has given us, already in my drink. (I spent two weeks researching on my own) Now I've added the one I missed.

But last week, due to the size of the tumor removed, they strongly recommended that I undergo a low dose round of Chemotherapy. The oncologist states that this will statistically reduce my chance of recurrence by 70%. Because I have had all the internal breast tissue removed from my body, I only have a 2% chance of breast cancer returning to the breast region but the chances are much higher for it to find another place in my body to set up shop. I sat in the meeting last week as stubborn as I've ever been. Through my tears I tried to process the pressure I was feeling. I had an agreement with my parent's and my husband that I would not undergo any treatment without a word from God. At every step of the process, He has never forsaken me in giving it. But last week, the oncologist spent a long while answering my questions and talking about chemotherapy as a "cure" and I just wasn't hearing it.
After the Doctor left the room and my cousin Andria and longtime friend and pastor Sandy Scheer sat with me and the nurse, the Word came.

The nurse began by saying, "Amie, all of us here are spirit filled Christians. And we see many, many Christians who are resistant to Chemotherapy come through those doors and leave without it. There have been more pastors wives than I can tell you, who would not undergo Chemotherapy because they thought it meant they were not trusting God. And they die. The Christians die because of their lack of understanding. And Amie, it's so sad because they had very, very treatable cancers but they refused treatment because they thought it would disappoint the faith of their congregations. Now there are so many Christians in those church's doubting God because they died. Dr. Oral Roberts taught that all wisdom comes from God and all medicines come from him, this was his dream. (at that my ears perked up) He prayed for me and the whole staff at City of Faith," she said. "He said that the Lord showed him that faith and medicine are supposed to interlock, (she interlaced her fingers as a demonstration) but most spirit filled Christians fight medicine, they do not see it as the provision of God that it is. Medicine is not perfect, but it could become even better, more effective, if Christians didn't reject it."

Dr. Oral Roberts was like a grandfather to me. And I was sitting in a room that God had given him the vision to establish. It hadn't all gone the way he pictured, but my nurse, like many others were prayed for personally and sent on a mission to educate and treat God's people so that they would not perish. With all the statistics and cure rates the oncologist had given me, the Word from God that brought peace to me, came through a nurse who carried the heart for healing. Everything good comes from God. And Amie living to be 86 is good. Whatever God sends me to deliver my miracle of complete healing and restoration must be considered. Most people don't realize how lethal cancer can be because they don't feel it or see it like they would an open wound or even a sore throat for that matter.

So when you don't have discomfort with cancer, it becomes easy to dismiss. How many Christians would live through a car accident but leave the scene mangled with life threatening injuries and tell the ambulance attendants, "I am going home to pray and eat organic foods"???? No one would. Any yet, even I had seen disease as something that should only be approached with prayer and fasting and resisted medical intervention.

I knew the potential danger but also hoped that I might turn it all around using surgery and natural methods. And although it is my firm belief that the right plants and foods heal us, it takes a while to change the internal tide. Other than the recent surgery, I am in great health. I have only just been released to exercise but my dietary changes since June 2nd have already caused me to lose 18 pounds. And any extra fat raises the chances for cancer in the body. I have a few extra pounds to go but no doubt that my life has permanently changed. I can't wait to tell you in all the ways "how." Did you know that exercising 2 1/2 hrs per week lowers your risk of cancer by 80%!!! Anyway, back to the conclusion....

I took 24 hrs to pray and let the peace of God direct my path before I verbalized my decision regarding Chemotherapy. These are the truths God has given me throughout this season:

1. If I am going to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, then I'm gonna turn on the lights while I'm there! (I can do this in many ways by opening my life, showing the journey and the hand of God at every turn. If there are fears to uncover, consider it done. Death is not the problem, it is the shadow of death where the enemy has his fun with us. I plan to do so much damage to his fear campaign that he is gonna wish he had an alternate route for God's people. I just want to turn his haunted house into a joke.)
2. I am led by peace, not driven by fear.
3. I cannot compare myself to any other case. Each of us must have a word from God for ourselves. Every journey, every battle is different.
4. I want to get out and give out everything I can during this season. I do not want to re-visit something later that the grace is here to face today.
5. Fear will not make any decisions for me. I will face my deepest fears and I will walk out of the season better in every way.
6. I will not focus on my loses or physical scars. My focus is stayed on the promise that He makes ALL things new.
7. Whatever I face from this day on holds no power of fear: You don't scare me.

In spite of my personal feelings and preferences, I am determined to do EVERYTHING to ensure I have closed every door. That includes natural remedies, healthy diet, exercise, counseling ( I need to off-load somewhere safe), rest, enjoy fun and friendships (accounted for 2% of my previous schedule) and submit to the peace of God in medicinal treatment.
With ALL this said, I will undergo 4 rounds of Chemotherapy (one treatment every 21 days x 4). The first one will begin on August 5 and the last one around October 7. This will be a low dose chemotherapy that will kill fast dividing cells. Unfortunately that usually includes hair. I know what all the potential side effects are but am believing for favor. I was bald headed until I was two years old, what's another couple months added to that!?

God is a debtor to no man or woman. So anything I feel I may have lost will be dually rewarded in either heavenly places or earthly realms, either way He is increasing my territory! He does not owe me anything. That's just the kind of God He truly is.

My central vulnerability in all of this is the potential for an onslaught of strong resistance or opinions against my decisions. This has already happened regarding my surgery. "People" didn't understand my decision to have both sides removed. I don't feel as though I have to justify myself but I would like to clarify everything through this email and probably ignore any further discussions. Although my left breast was completely clear of cancer cells I still feel I made the best decision for me. I don't expect to have the BRACA gene mutation but there is a chance. Lastly, I came into this world with a matching set and the Lord allowed me to continue with a matching set. I am still under construction but pleased with my decision. It is actually less dramatic psychologically to do both sides.

I humbly ask for your prayer, support and love. And above all, let it be known, this is not a tragedy, this is my light shining (possibly made a little brighter by the glare of a potentially bald head). God is my glory and the lifter of my head, doesn't differentiate between bald or hairy! What's hair but a few dead cells? I'd prefer God's glory any day!!!!

I am surely in a chrysalis of change. But I am not alone. I cannot nor will I ever be able to show you my gratitude for your outpouring of love toward me. Your love and commitment have put me back together again. I leave you with a quote from one of my messages at the Beloved Women's Conference, sent to me in a card last week.

"When we go through any situation, there may be a dark time and I declare to every spirit out there right now, 'Whatever God allows, I submit to it, we will make it through it and we will be the better for it!'"

Video Update - June 15, 2011

Help me raise money for Amie's Angels -http://goo.gl/e8j7b

By: Stacey Dockery

My Biopsy

I am sorry for not posting a blog on Friday. After discovering a physical issue last week, I had an MRI and a sonogram first thing on Friday morning. After the test results revealed that I would need a biopsy on Tuesday, last Friday was spent processing with my family and friends.

The Doctor said that I was "blessed to have found this so early" which reinforced the voice of the Lord that came with urgency a few days before. I am aware of the potential. In my mind, I have gone all the way down the road of suffering and found, that I will never be forsaken or forgotten by God. He will be with me, every step in this process. In fact, whatever the outcome, I am at peace that I HEAR Him and I know Him. He is for me. But it is important to know that my spiritual assignment is His focus, not my physical comfort or security.

My most recent book, about transformation, and even my most recent messages, have all held the keys to winning this battle for me. I am walking out, in the most extreme fashion, what it feels to lay my life down completely, without reservation. In the past, although I have been in the ministry, I have reserved part of myself, not quite giving everything. I wouldn't have compared myself to Jonah in the past, until the last few days.

Through this storm, I have come to see very clearly, the exact location of my silent and stubborn rebellion. I didn't overtly take a boat in the opposite direction of my calling, but I did withhold a portion of my potential and passion.

There is a part of myself that has always longed for a simple, little life. Not a life with stages, lights and audiences. Until last week, I have always seen the "big" life I lead, as God's idea to which I reluctantly tagged along. Meanwhile, my flesh neatly tucked away MY ideas for a seamless escape to the ordinary, one I would make when the right moment arose. Even though I wasn't physically on a boat going in the opposite direction, some part of me was moving in opposition to the rest of me. To picture myself in this way really grieves me. But it is true.

At every turn, as God has been elevating me, I have been looking for a way of escape, as if I was taken against my will. When doors of ministry would open, I would suggest others instead, so that I could move into the shadows, away from the spotlight. This method of operation was neatly wrapped in "humility," until Friday. My motives for escape were even hidden from myself. I saw my promotion of others as completely unselfish when in truth although they were mostly for the benefit of others, there was a parasite of personal gain hiding there. My ambition, my gain, didn't look like everyone else's. So it was more easily concealed. I didn't want more, I wanted less. Less spotlight equaled less pressure, less expectation, less rejection.

The reality of what I am facing on Tuesday, opened me up and laid bare every motive. My prayer was that every hidden thing would be revealed. I just wasn't expecting that my motives would be revealed so clearly by an MRI.

I have believed that this test for me was about uprooting something small, before it can grow to destroy me. This may be true physically, when we hear the pathology report. But the real power to destroy me comes from the cancer of flesh, multiplying over time, replacing and overcoming my spiritual assignment. My desires replacing God's will for my life is the only thing that can circumvent the destiny He's designed for me. Even wanting less than I have been assigned, is the rejection of my spiritual position.

As far as I am concerned, the real danger to my destiny has already been surgically removed by the Spirit. The weapon formed against me has been revealed and dismantled. As long as I am wholeheartedly aboard God's vessel there is truly nothing the enemy can do to divert me from my course.

Like Jonah, I have been guilty of sabotaging my own effectiveness in the ministry for which I am anointed and called.

I live transparently. I cannot live any other way. And I understand that in sharing this with you, I may be opened up to criticism and diagnosis. Perhaps that is why it is so important for me to share. I am demonstrating my commitment to be who God has called me to be in the largest sense, not the smallest. I could aim small by not including you in this battle but I have been aiming small for far too long.

I am aware that not everyone who reads this will pray for me, some will celebrate my current situation. I don't care. The few negative folks have had too loud and opinion in my life. Consider your signal scrambled. Jonah was moved in a contrary motion to the will of God, all due to his fear of rejection by man. I haven't seen it till recently, but I have been moved by the rejection of others. No more!!

It's my time of re-enlistment. I know what I am signing up for. Counting the cost and reading the fine print are no longer viable terms and conditions. I am ready and willing to completely and instantly, obey. No holding back.

I feel like I have already had a biopsy. A spiritual one. God inserted this situation into my life, pulled out something hidden and under the microscope of His perspective, showed me what was growing there. I am so grateful for His hand in my life. At times the probing is painful. But He is our light and our salvation. He is revealing what is hidden, not to destroy us but to display His glory in our lives.

The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 21:1